How it Happened

So, by now most of you know that we have made a decision to adopt from China. I feel compelled to tell the story of how we came to this decision. God's hand has been in this for many years and I know it is all part of His plan. So, here we go...

When I was in 4th grade, there was a girl in my class who was adopted from an asian country, (which one, I don't remember... I was 9.) But, I remember exactly where I was when she told me... I thought "wow, you can do that? That is so cool." And, it changed my life forever!

I can't say I thought of it on a daily basis after that, but it always stuck with me. We get older, we start deciding what kind of future we want for ourselves. Around the age of 19, I started realizing that my future had an international child in it. When Daren and I started talking about marriage, I told him that I felt the calling to international adoption. It was something God had placed on my heart and I would have to do it one day. He agreed that at some point, that would be fine. (He probably thought it was a phase I would get over one day... little did he know, right?)

Once, before Mc, we took some kids from our youth group to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert. We weren't even talking about children yet, but when they stopped the show to discuss international adoption, it was all I could do not to jump out of my seat and sign up. I tell you all of these side stories just to show you how it has always been a part of me. Something God had planned from the beginning. He would only give me pieces, but enough to make me hungry for more!

After that, we had McHaney. The MOST WONDERFUL child in the whole world (not that I'm biased.) I had a lot of complications afterwords, galbladder, kidney stones, etc. Honestly, I thought I would be pregnant again someday, and I may still be pregnant one day, but in the pit of me, I didn't really feel the need to be. I'd done it, I loved my little family, and I would be okay if I was done.

But, Daren definitely wanted another child and I did want a sibling for McHaney... how would I have EVER made it without Lauren, ya know? Come to find out after about 2 years and alot of testing and doctor's visits, we were going to have a hard time getting pregnant again... no big deal though, right? It wasn't impossible. We even had infertility insurance. Who has that?

So, trips to the fertility clinic started, and I started crying. I love fertility clinics. Some of the most awesome children I know are here today because of the doctors at those clinics. I was excited! Daren and Mc would finally have what they needed. But, for some reason, it felt sooo wrong to me everytime we were there. After the first insemination, what I knew in the back of my mind settled in. I knew that God was calling us to adoption (whether now or later) and I was just going to wait it out. He was ultimately in control and I turned it over to Him. I had a peace about it. If I was supposed to get pregnant, it was going to be b/c of God if not, no one could make it happen.

So, I only went through one round of insemination. After the first round, I started praying... a lot! I felt it was almost a continuous conversation we would pick up and start throughout the day. "God, your will be done here. This is one of the first times in my life I don't have an agenda. I don't care what happens. I have a baby, or we adopt a baby. This is your plan. I am only a part of it. What is your plan, and how do I fit into it?" Also, "If you are calling me to this life, Daren is my husband. Shouldn't we want the same thing? My prayer is, if I am to carry another child, please let me be joyous about it, if we are to adopt, please let Daren want it like I want it."

I felt God was telling me, 'My plan is for you to adopt now. Your baby girl is out there and it is time.' Daren and I talked about it, but we were not on the same page. So, I dropped it with him and just kept praying. I wanted him to have what he thought he wanted, but I did ask him to pray about it also.

The night before the second round of insemination (the first was in January, but b/c of complications, the second was not to be until early June) Daren called it off. No seriously, the night before at 10pm... I had been in Pasadena for my sister's graduation. I came in super late on a Sunday night and he was already in bed. We didn't see each other until 10pm Monday night and this was the conversation:

DP- "I don't want you to have the insem tomorrow."
Me- "um, what?"
DP- "The more I pray about it the more wrong it feels."
Me- "What?"
DP- "The more I pray about it, the more it just feels wrong."
Me- blank stare
DP-"I feel like we aren't supposed to do this. I feel like something is going to happen."
Me-"Seriously? It's a little late to cancel. The appt. is at 10am tomorrow."
DP- "Well, you can go, I'll pay for the visit, whatever, but I will not be making a donation."
Me- Big Smile. "So, what are you saying?"
DP- "I'm saying I think we should adopt. I think that's what we're supposed to do."
Me- In my head, "awesome, awesome, awesome!!!!" out loud, "are you sure? Okay then."

And that's how we came to the decision to start the process. This is a really long post, and I'll save the "how we decided on China" story for another day! But, it feels good to put it out there. To let people know that if you trust in God, you're patient, and you really hear what he says, His plan will always come though. So, have faith and open yourself up to His voice.... :)